Children are People, Not Machines
When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay attention to the details." That saying became very real to me in the area of parenting. While raising children, the details make great differences in development.
Being that children are people and not machines, the kind of detailing needed is different. Focusing on the externals of name brand clothing, perfect hair and having the most extensive collection of expensive toys are not the kind of attention needed. Such efforts will result in the child feeling rejected and learning to substitute material objects and appearances for love.
Children need the attention of their parents. The areas of their lives and abilities given attention will develop most. If the majority of parental attention is given to not standing correctly or not finishing tasks, these areas will develop further. In situations where habitual fault-finding occurs, the child eventually takes all that criticism inside and turns it on themselves. Such methods often lead to unmotivated children with low-self-esteem.
Many adult parents still carry emotional scars from harsh fault-finding from parents. A good common sense rule is, "If you would not let anyone talk to you like you talk to your child, you need to make some changes." Sadly, many children suffer in quiet desperation as victims of harsh treatment, that the parent justifies by telling themselves "it's for their own good," or "I only do it because I love them so much." Such displays are not experienced by the children as "love."
Children need attention given to the details of their lives. The attention they need the most is from their parents. They need encouragement in specific and tangible terms. Statements like, "It puts a smile in my heart, when you show teamwork by playing nicely with your brother" make a child beam. Find them doing good things and bring that to their attention. Identify the specific talent, how it is used and your reaction to it. Train their young minds to search for their talents with the same kind of attention to detail that may have previous been devoted to fault-finding. It also helps to identify internal or character qualities to praise rather than external appearances.
By developing these qualities, the child will always carry those qualities with them, regardless of age. Children do want to please their parents. The challenge many children face is that they often do not know what does please their parents.
Focusing on the details when children do good is important. Such an approach is detailed enough for children to understand what they did good and how it made you feel. Parents often devote too much detail to fault-finding. When the attention to detail is directed to finding good, it results in motivated children with strong self-esteems. If the devil is in the details, perhaps the saints are also.
About The Author
Jeffrey D. Murrah is The Results-Oriented Therapist specializing in marriage and family conflicts. Visit www.RestoreTheFamily.com to sign up for his free newsletter.
Why Me?"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count." --Neil MaxwellYesterday morning, my family and I got up at 5:30am in Mexico to begin our journey home from a holiday retreat.
The Added Advantage In African American Childrens Education: Computer Homeschooling (Part 2)
We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how 'bout you!We left our parents and friends in our last article discussing the commitment it takes to homeschool african american children. In part 2 of 4 we will discuss finding resources to make sure that african american parents commitment to their children's education is not hampered because of anything easily available.
What a Parent Must Do to Stop Online Predators
Teens can freely access the Internet from computers at school, at their friends' homes and in public places such as libraries and even from cell phones and video game consoles. Internet is everywhere, that is why kids and teenagers (and their parents, too) should be well aware of its dangers to avoid them.
Some Good News About Blended Families
They Spur Members To Grow EmotionallyTatiana Tannenbaum grappled with a classic stepfamily struggle when she moved from Moscow, Russia to Portland, Ore. and married Leb Tannenbaum: Her three new stepsons weren't very happy to have her in their lives.
Loving Your Step-Children
Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It is not enough for parents, step parents and extended family to feel a deep glow of love for the children in your circle of influence.
The POWER of Your Words
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes a part of us, our history, and our legacy.
Are You Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child?
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient (IQ), research shows that a child's emotional quotient (EQ) is just as important for that child's personal success. So what is Emotional Intelligence? Emotional quotient is your child's ability to feel, while intelligence quotient is your child's ability to think.
Surprise - Public School Class Size Doesnt Matter Very Much
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They claim that teachers can't be expected to give their students the individual attention they need if there are too many students in the class.
I have been a single mom for almost 20 years. My kids were 3, 7, 12 and 14 when my ex left.
How To Teach Your Children Courage
Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard, even when it means being called a "chicken" by others.A person with courage dares to attempt difficult things that are good.
Parenting---Roots and Wings
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article.
Lets Not Hurry Children Through Childhood
Have you ever experienced one of those days when you wanted to return to the carefree days of childhood when your biggest worry was how you could con your parents into staying up a little longer at night. Have you ever thought that you would like to be a child once more when the biggest decision for the day was choosing which topping put on your ice cream?While this worry-free existence maybe idealised, there is little doubt that most parents want to capture this carefree, happy feeling for their children.
How Effective is the Nutraceutical ATTEND with ADHD?
I really like all natural remedy for Attention Deficit Disorder called ATTEND, and the other Nutraceutical products made by VAXA International in Tampa, FL. In fact, I spent nearly two years studying the effectiveness of ATTEND on children and adults with ADHD.
An Overview of Alternative Treatments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Since so many would rather avoid the use of stimulant medications for the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder if possible, a growing need for the development of alternative treatments for ADD ADHD has developed over the past twenty years. Although there are many products that claim to help any child with ADD ADHD, the truth is that there are only a few non-medication treatments for attention deficit disorder that have actually undergone even the simplest of clinical trials.
After the Driving School
If you visit search engines you can find several resources to assist you on this subject. Try searching on the phrase "parents with teen drivers".
Effective Troubled Teen Programs
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love," which is used so extensively in many troubled teen programs. Some parents want their children close by and want to avoid placing their troubled teen into an environment that may build even more resentment and anger.
Why A Father Is Not A Dad
It can be said that any man who procreates is a father, whether present in that child's life or not. While this is technically true, it really takes a man to be a dad!There is nothing more insulting than a cavalier man thinking he has every right in the world to see the child he helped to create, but was never there for him or her.
Nail Biting Basics
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic behavior beset by peculiarity and contradiction. Technically speaking, the correct word for nail biting is ANONYCHOPHAGIA.
Parenting Your Teenager: Self-Decorating or Self-Harm - How to Tell the Difference
Q. I need your help with a question about my teen-age daughter.
Why Wont My Teens Clean Their Room?
Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did you get to the results that you were looking for? Did moving toward those results create an unexpected rift between you and your teen? Parents complain to me that when their teens won't do their chores and, as a result, they punish their teens, there is conflict and a damaged relationship. Parents say that they don't want their relationship with their teens to suffer.
|home | site map|